What Happened?

From Atheistic Radical Feminist to Stay-at-home Catholic Mom

February 12, 2010

Tags: Apostolate, Conversion, Women, life I have been a member of Opus Dei for almost 17 years. It enriches all aspects of my life by helping me understand everything with a supernatural outlook. In joining Opus Dei I did not change what I believed. Rather, being a member helps me to live my faith every day, and even every minute of every day.
I consider everything in light of my faith. Everything I do, I do for the greater glory of God. I can't be lazy in my work or less than a sincere and loyal friend (no gossip!) If I have a hard day, I view it as an opportunity to give more glory to God by living it well, even when I feel awful. If I get bad news, I know that the news itself is not as important as how I react and handle it.

I love Mother Teresa's teaching that it is not what we do that is important to God but how we try. This is a far cry from how I was raised, where intelligence and success (mostly material) were of primary importance and happiness totally dependent on them.

Women's lib
I grew up in the 60's and 70's, graduating high school in 1975 and college in 1979. My family was well educated and well informed. I remember my mom and aunts talking about “women's lib” when I was about 8 years old. By the time I was in high school the women's liberation movement was well established and accepted by my affluent culturally Jewish community. I naturally had an independent spirit and embraced the feminism of the sixties that said I should rely entirely on myself. Men were superfluous and religion unnecessary. I saw religion as a crutch and antithetical to my independent spirit. Certainly a religion like Catholicism,” run by men,” did not fit into my feminist ideals.

Part of my mindset was formed by my parents' divorce in 1972 at the height of “No Fault” divorce. My mother, left by her husband of 25 years to fend for herself after devoting her life to her family stressed to my sister and me the importance of self-reliance. Women cannot depend on husbands anymore. I entered adulthood with the vision that I would support myself through a meaningful career. Marriage was not a goal. I never wanted or needed a boyfriend to feel important. I sought out female friends who were also “strong women” and shared my viewpoint. It wasn't that we didn't like guys, we did. But we certainly didn't look to them for our salvation or support. If we did have boyfriends or husbands they were to be totally equal partners. My fulfillment was to be had through my career. Even if I did fall in love, marriage and children were not to be the defining features of my life. I would never be “just” a housewife.

Passion for truth
In addition to self-reliance my other theme was truth. Like Mohandas Gandhi “The passion for truth was innate in me.” But I thought, “How can anyone know the truth?” I saw many different religions, all claiming the truth and I saw many sinners in all of these religions. I had only weak religious training and I became an atheist at a young age. I had to find something other than religion on which to base the truth. In high school I developed a passion for science. It provided answers. I foolishly thought that complete understanding of the physical world could answer all questions, including moral questions. This fallacy was enforced when I started reading Ayn Rand. Her philosophy of Objectivism was in total conformity with my views. Like Hank Reardon in “Atlas Shrugged” I subscribed to the foolish notion that physical laws are a moral absolute.

I remember in college one of my science profs asked my microbiology class (about 400 students) if we thought that everything could be explained by the material world. Most of us raised our hands. Of course, the logical conclusion of this is that man has no free will. If we are just chemicals whose reactions are solely governed by the laws of nature, how can there be any true decision making or moral choices? If I had been clearer thinking at the time, I would have seen the absurdity of my position, that is that Man is free but Nature rules! My belief in truth and that man has reason and free will to pursue it ultimately led me to my belief in God and the Catholic Church.

I met my husband my first day in CA
I graduated with a MS in Biochemistry from the University of Minnesota in 1983 and moved to the Bay Area. My sister lived there and the area was booming in my field of genetic engineering/molecular biology. I met my husband my first day in CA. We spent a lot of our time together discussing deep issues we were both interested in, although we had (seemingly) wildly different viewpoints. He was a Christian and considering becoming Catholic. I remember thinking and even told him, “NO! Don't do that, anything but Catholic!” Christianity was bad enough without being Catholic. At 25 I was still in my atheist, feminist mindset and I just did not see how Catholicism could possibly fit in with my feminist ideals.

Fortunately, Lance was patient with my misconceptions of Catholicism, religion and God. He first had to break down my resistance to God. This wasn't hard since I already believed in truth and he was studying Philosophy. It is a quick compelling argument from Truth to God. We married the summer after Lance entered the Catholic Church, one year after we met. Lance married me even though I barely believed in God and certainly was not Catholic, and not planning on becoming one. My prejudice against the Church was still too strong.

From God to Jesus, and from Jesus to the Catholic Church
From God to Jesus, and from Jesus to the Catholic Church was grace. We had many discussions about philosophy, religion, God, atheism. It was a difficult journey for me to overcome my bias against the Church. But I was eventually convinced of the truth of the Church. At the time I would have told you it was reason alone. My husband is a brilliant philosopher and his arguments were compelling. Now I realize that many prayers (offered by my husband and friends) and grace were what led my hardened heart to open up to the Catholic Church.

Abortion: liberation or exploitation?
One of the obstacles I faced in accepting the Church was its stance on abortion. How dare a bunch of celibate men tell women what to do with their bodies? It took me some time to overcome my initial repugnance and see that the Church's position was actually quite feminist and pro-woman. One of the feminist mandates is that women, while possibly physically weaker, are equal and should be treated equally. Weakness alone shouldn't condemn a person to an inferior position in society. I failed to extend this argument to the unborn child. The “fetus” was an obstacle to my freedom. Abortion was touted by the radical feminists as a tool that would help women be liberated. But what I saw was exactly the opposite. Rather than liberating women, abortion was a tool for their exploitation.

The sexual revolution did not liberate women but rather helped enslave them. Contraception encourages the idea in men that women should always be available. Contraception paved the way for the reality of sexual relationships without any requirement of responsibility or commitment.

Every friend I knew who had an abortion was coerced into it by her boyfriend. All these women were undergoing abortions, not through their own choice primarily but the choice of their men. And these were my “strong women” friends. Women you would expect to be more thoughtful, strong and immune to coercion. But I saw their decision was strongly influenced by what their partners wanted contrary to their own more maternal inclinations.

I can't imagine being happier in any other life
I entered the Catholic Church at Easter Vigil in 1986. I can't say exactly at what point I went beyond believing what the Church teaches to loving my faith. The richness, the beauty, the truth and above all, the grace help me everyday to rejoice in my faith and strive to live it better. My life is completely different from what it would have been had I not converted. I am married with 7 children and am very happy to see marriage as my vocation, my path to God. While this path not always easy, I can't imagine being happier in any other life.

The early years after my conversion I was like many new converts, quite enthusiastic and happy in my new found faith. I wanted to be a good Catholic. I had good friends who steered me in the right direction. But being human, it is inevitable that the passion a new convert feels diminishes after a time. My enthusiasm was a times quite high, but then I would sink into a period of lukewarmness. I did not know how to channel my love for God into a concrete plan of life that would help me to persevere in cultivating my interior life, regardless of my enthusiasm or dryness. Opus Dei helped me with that.

Opus Dei
My husband and I moved to Notre Dame (South Bend, Indiana) in August 1986 so he could pursue a PhD in philosophy. One of his fellow graduate students invited him to an activity sponsored by Opus Dei. He told me about the women's activities and I started attending the evenings of recollection. I didn't always feel like going but once I was there I was always very grateful to hear the meditations and talks on spirituality. They helped me tremendously to understand my faith and to incorporate it into my life. The solid doctrine and encouragement to foster your interior life were just what I needed. Here was a plan of life that would help me do exactly what I knew I should be doing. Sure, as a Catholic I knew I should pray. But when? How?

Opus Dei helped me to forge a concrete plan that I could follow. For example, I started to read the Gospel for five minutes every day. I would start with St. Matthew and about 6 months later I would be finished with Revelations and start over again. It was amazing how this helped me. I started to know Our Lord and love Him. From such a simple easy thing that only took 5 minutes.

No-one is ever a lost cause
One of the main attractions I felt for Opus Dei was its emphasis on apostolate, that is, bringing to message of Jesus Christ to the world. As a convert myself I understood that no-one, no matter how far from God they may appear, is ever a lost cause. I certainly would never have predicted that I would be a believer, let alone a devout Catholic. And while Opus Dei does emphasize apostolate, St. Josemaría also insisted that we respect individuals. People have a right to believe what they will, and we cannot force anyone to our viewpoint. My apostolate was to be an apostolate of friendship. I prayed for my friends and family but I rarely brought up my beliefs because I knew that would not be appreciated. I was always happy when they asked me questions but because my Jewish family was quite resistant to Christianity, I had to respect that they did not agree with me, and had the right not to talk about it.

It seems so simple from the outside, doctrine, prayer. But to really live a contemplative life in the middle of the world is difficult. Our human frailties make it quite easy to offer excuses for not going to Mass or saying our prayers. We are very busy and cannot always get to our prayers. Opus Dei helps us overcome the every day obstacles that would keep us from God. Without the help of Opus Dei, I could not do it. Opus Dei helps me to live my goal of loving God every minute of the day. Whether I am actively praying or involved in the daily routines of my life, I can always lift any activity to God. I am very grateful that God saw fit to give St. Josemaría the vision, mission and grace to found Opus Dei. My vocation to Opus Dei gives me the grace and helps me to persevere in my path to sanctity.